F...S...

F...S...

I don't mean to be rude or whatever you call it... I've been in quite a good mood since bookin out yesterday, very good if compared to de past few weeks... I even thought last night that this weekend is gonna be one worth havin a toast to better life or some lame reason haha...

BUT I HAD TO RECEIVE A MESSAGE SAYIN I'VE GOTTA ATTEND A MEETIN (TO ADD ON, IT HAD TO BE NAMED A COMPULSORY ONE) ON YET ANOTHER SUNDAY AFTERNOON, WHICH IS TOMORROW AND FOR THAT MATTER IT'S NO DIFFERENCE FROM BURNIN A WEEKEND IN CAMP... In fact, if you were to ask me, i would seriously rather be with my platoonmates burnin our weekend in camp, even if it were to mean doin nothin or saikang here and there...

I've been rather disciplined in terms of keepin this blog free of vulgarities for de past 3 months and i almost tarnished it when i bloody hell saw my phone which similarly had been free from all that shit for 2 weeks and i seriously thought i could keep things that way and lead an otherwise peaceful life in de outside world, havin seen, done, heard and felt so much damn shit on de inside... You know, sometimes i really do detest myself for all de F's, C's, B's, N's and so on that i use cuz it really degrades myself... But juz a few moments ago and a few lines above i could feel my fingers steerin themselves towards those keys, either cuz i'm really that screwed up a person or those were de only words that could describe how i felt... And definitely somethin isn't right when someone hyperventilates as he types... Yeah how i wish i were outside with those who have been waitin to see me get pissed off and someone i hate to de core, juz bloody hell release de piles of shit i been containin...

My bunkmates been imitatin de way i say 'dulan', maybe cuz they find de way i say it funny or cool or whatever..i'm totally fine with that, i took it as a compliment..anyway that's de way we make fun of one another =]... But never had i expected all that to be a premonition to all this shit! Yeah so much for vowin not to waste my time outside in my last post, thanks..now i juz wasted my time typin this and degradin myself and there's another potential waste of time if i were to succumb to it tomorrow... Yeah i know it's gonna be a waste of time if i have that mindset but am i 100% wrong? Well i'm 100% sure it doesn't mean that much to me, i'm 100% affirmative it's not what i wanna do, and i can guarantee 100% it will be a waste of time to any extent you wanna define it...

Yeah and de consequence of bloggin somethin is readership... If anyone, involved or not, decides to despise me, condemn me, shun me or whatever, i can only say
Sorry but in my current state of mind, i don't ....ing give a f...s... unless someone can truly talk me into goin and betrayin my bookout time and myself... See, i juz kind of broke my vow, ....ing hell...